Good Jeans

There are so many reasons not to wear white jeans.

1) They are notoriously unflattering

2) They show up the merest hint of dirt, food, general debris

3) You can often read the care label of your knickers through them, such is their transparency

4) They are pretty firmly planted in the naff camp

So step away from the ecru denim then, right? Wrong!

Let me explain.

It’s February. Yay. The gloomiest, lamest month we own. It’s winter, but it’s not fun, festive, flirtatious winter. It’s sodden, sad and sullen. It’s cold (of course it is) but everyone is dying of boredom rotating woolly jumpers and cracking out the big winter coat out Every. Damn. Day. Don’t get me wrong, I do love my winter coat this year, but like anything you insist on doing daily for four months, it gets a bit dull. (Except researching penguins in pig costumes. Have a Google, you won’t regret it).

I for one am looking for an update- something that will get me through this tedious time of year without requiring acres of limb on show or squillions of pounds spent on something that will be relegated as soon as the sun starts shining. My soul is crying out for a wafty tea-dress and some espadrilles but chilly blue knees and goose-pimpled flesh induces no stonk-ons, ever.

Enter, stage right, the improbable pair of pale jeans.

They could be white, they could be baby pink or palest lemon, or possibly cream (the slightly darker shade a vain attempt to guard against scuffs and stains). Buy your normal shape of jean (although I would counsel against anything too skinny, at the risk of showing everyone what you had for breakfast). My preferred silhouette at the moment is a ‘Mom’ jean- high-waisted and tapered, slim-fitting enough but without making my buttocks look like two balloons in a bin-bag, having a fight. The pleasingly retro shape and the stiffness of the denim usually associated with this cut of jeans make them quite a good shout when going paler. It’s the softer, stretchier jegging-style material where it all gets a bit dicey re. the care label in knicker situation.

Then, proceed as normal when getting ready, swapping out blue denim for something peakier and hey-presto- you’ve updated your outfit, inching it closer to elusive ‘Springtime’ but without freezing your nads off.

It’s not as unflattering as I’d feared either (a big arse is always going to be a big arse, unfortunately) so long as you style it sympathetically. It makes me come over a bit Kim Kardashian, because I’ve started experimenting with single-colour dressing. That is to say, white jumper, white jeans. Sounds ridiculous, looks quite chic. I promise. Particularly if you add a chunky belt, statement ankle boots and a blazer. Yes please.

They also dress up quite successfully because they already add a point of difference an ordinary jean might fall short of. I am quite enjoying working that angle by wearing them with ginormous pearl earrings (highlight the colour, y’see) and spiky black stilettos. My only advice there would be to step away from the red wine.

I’d gone from thinking white jeans were as ridiculous as penguins in pig costumes, but now I can’t get enough of either, Labour Day be danged.

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